Labeling Humans as Good or Bad is Unhelpful and Unhealthy
Are people good or bad? Who decides? Who benefits most from these labels?
Are people good or bad?
You may or may not know I wrote a children’s book a few years ago called Good Choice Bad Choice. Ironically, I think the underlying lesson is more relevant to the current climate and culture than ever before.
Lesson: Girls and boys aren’t good or bad, they are only children who make good and bad choices. Just because we make a bad choice doesn’t mean we are bad. Everyone makes good and bad choices sometimes, and everyone gets to choose if they will admit it or not. We must always admit bad choices rather than hide and lie. Bad choices must be brought into the light.
We often use phrases like good girl or good boy when praising our children. We set them up to strive to be good and hide when they are bad. Children quickly figure out the rules of the game and once they do promptly learn to lie. They’ll deceive and distract to cover up any bad choices.
We also have a propensity to characterize certain people as good guys and others as bad guys. We even develop generalized perceptions of people who are usually bad versus usually good. (Which is what we might also call prejudices or biases.) We are constantly unconsciously trying to sort out whether someone is good or bad.
“And of course, those who are most like us are always the good guys and those on the other side are the bad guys, right?”
Everywhere I turn this is what I see, and I’ve even caught myself being a culprit of it as well. Seeking out those who agree with me for camaraderie while vilifying those who think differently as evil, ignorant, uninformed, or unintelligent.
Right now, we are quickly drawing lines in the sand between right and wrong, good and bad, moral and immoral, ethical and unethical.
Whichever side you fall within is clearly in the right, and those on the other side clearly in the wrong.
But this just simply isn’t the case.
My Personal Example
I have a dear friend who is quite possibly a yang to my yin. The life she’s lived is almost a direct contrast to the one I have. While we share a love for God, humanity, and being good humans, our beliefs about the best way to do so are often different.
I’ve found myself struggling to respond to her messages. I began avoiding spaces where I’d have to confront those who feel differently than me.
But upon reflection, I’m deeply concerned about where this choice and path will lead me and all of us collectively.
The further we distance ourselves from one another the easier it becomes to vilify the other side.
The more we characterize one group as villains, the more we dehumanize them. Which causes us to move the line on what are acceptable or unacceptable actions towards them. If I see them as evil, I might be more willing to humiliate, hurt, or harm them.
I see now that my choice is a bad choice.
If I create a chasm that can’t be crossed, then how will we ever come back together? Who benefits from a choice that causes separation rather than collaboration? Not me, and not my friend. Not the things we could do together. Not the people we could help.
What happens when there is division and discord?
Everyone, everywhere I turn is doing this. Is identifying whether they are on one side or the other. Once they’ve chosen, they double down on their choice.
If you choose a side, you better agree with and support everything, or else!
You better defend everything your side does and chooses no matter what.
You better not disagree.
We begin to make up excuses for the actions on our side that make us uncomfortable (like inappropriate arm movements that reference actions historically considered evil). We fear being rejected and the consequences of choosing to disagree or to stand against them, so we stay silent.
We point fingers, blame and shame others who might have once met us in the middle.
We critique and attack those that call for compassion, connection, and a conscious effort to collectively find a way forward together.
The darker and deeper that fracture becomes the harder it is to cross it.
Which is exactly what those who wish to control us most want to have happen. The more they can separate us and divide us, the more they can control us.
If we’ve identified ourselves with being on one side and made the other the villain, how can we ever possibly change sides? It ensures we remain gridlocked in disagreement and disconnected from one another. It keeps us fighting with our families and neighbors rather than against the real enemy.
While we’re busy fighting one another, creating an ever-growing rift of separation, we will struggle to cross, a small subset of the population is thriving while we’re suffering.
“While we are fighting with each other to survive they are thriving in lives of luxury and laughing at us all.”
Why do they do this?
“We are but pawns in their game that they use and sacrifice to win. Their objective is not our objective.”
By and large most of us truly want the same things and value the same things.
We want to earn a living at a good job (preferably a great one) and have money to support our families.
We want to raise our families in the best way we can.
We want to have time and money to enjoy our lives and the world.
We want to be able to buy the things we want and do the things we want.
We want to be happy and fulfilled.
We want to live the best life we can - an exceptional life.
Some of us may want more…
We may want to live in a world that helps humanity.
We may want to follow our spiritual beliefs and values whether to attain enlightenment, a place in heaven, a space in Jannah, or a spot in Valhalla.
We may want to help others to also achieve the things we want in our lives.
We may want to support and help other humans who are struggling.
We are the majority. The humans who just want to live the best life they can.
But there is another group of which we might one day belong if we experience financial success, and we aren’t careful. This group has a deep dark hole inside, one they can’t ever seem to fill.
No matter how much money they make, the control they assume, or power they achieve it’s never enough.
They can build businesses, buildings, and badass rockets but it’s still not enough.
They can accumulate millions and billions of dollars but it’s still not enough.
They can own cars for every day of the week, homes for every month of the year, and jet planes to take them anywhere and everywhere but it’s still not enough.
They can control people in powerful places and yet it’s still not enough.
They can become leaders over entire countries and still, it’s never enough.
In fact, this deep dark bottomless pit inside them can’t ever be filled. They’ll try and they’ll try until one day they die but it’ll never be enough. Because the darkness exists just to consume not to contribute. To serve their desires and theirs alone.
Even charity is simply a solution to pay less tax, improve their image, and keep their status. Nothing they do is without careful consideration to keep control and purposefully sustain their power.
It’s a compulsion deep within that keeps them perpetually searching and seeking to accumulate more. Their desires determining and driving their decisions and destinations.
Their bottomless pit of desire leaving them always wanting more. Never truly satisfied and content to sit still and be happy with just what they have in the now, in the present moment.
This group, the elite and powerful humans are the ones who seek to divide us. To separate us so we can fight against one another while they can appear the heroes.
But even these humans are not inherently evil.
They became this way because of the world in which we live. A world that sends a message that true success is all that matters and the only thing you need.
Power and success, it’s so intoxicating it quickly becomes addicting.
They accumulate, acquire, and achieve.
The higher they climb the harder it becomes to see the cost.
The easier it becomes to ignore the cries of those left behind.
To recognize the experience of others they can no longer see, let alone relate to.
The higher they climb the more it takes to fill that darkness…yet still it’s never enough.
It’s always just one more thing.
To make matters worse, the issues that we are most desperate to solve require us to be working together. But they don’t want us to work together and find a solution. They like the way things are because it’s worked well for them, what motivation do they have to change?
Did you know all of this happens because of our brains?
We’re wired to survive from thousands of years of living not in a globalized world but one of separate tribes and communities. Our very existence depended on working with our small and isolated groups to survive.
“Survival depended on our security and safety ensured by not trusting those who aren’t part of our group.”
Along the way we developed a tendency in our brains to attribute the bad behavior of others to their character flaws whilst allowing ourselves context for clarity.
We point our fingers and say see they must be lying but when we do the same thing we simply must have forgotten.
We blame someone for their bad behavior, but when we do the same, we always have a reasonable explanation.
It’s called the fundamental attribution error and studies show nearly everyone does this.
In fact, to overcome it requires us to become conscious.
We must question ourselves anytime we “assume,” to see if maybe we’re missing a key part of the story.
We must stop anytime we say “should,” and explore what maybe we are missing or is not well understood.
We must not separate and segment but come together intentionally with anyone that is willing.
We must collectively engage, explore, and discover what we have in common.
If we can find common ground maybe we can work from there. With more creativity compassion and courage finding answers that we never knew could be there.
Imagine a New, Better Way
Imagine if we could really come together to talk and to share.
Imagine the future we could build based upon the lives that we share.
What if we could find a way to protect unborn babies and provide mothers with the freedom they deserve?
What if we could prevent harm to those who make different decisions about who they are or choose to love, whilst still honoring the religion you love?
What if we could find better ways to heal and make us all healthy, while not making decisions based on what will make corporations wealthy?
What if we could trust the valuable data, research, and insights from science, while still honoring our current needs and beliefs without rigid compliance?
What if we could deal with violent crime, whilst treating criminals with respect and ensuring they get reasonable and proportionate time?
Oh, the amazingly creative innovations we’d discover if only we could stop fighting and being moved as pawns in their game.
It’s time to wake up and see that just because you believe something different from me, doesn’t make you, my
enemy.
The real enemy is pulling our strings whilst hiding in plain sight.
The real revolution that requires the hardest work of all is the one that will unite us to prevent our fall.
What will we do to bring us back together and not keep us apart?
What will we do to create a community that is free from the constraint of only two parties?
What will we do to cut the strings and start engaging in our own story rather than the one they would like to be written?
Will you join me? Will you come to the table to talk?
To converse, communicate and collaborate on the challenges we must face together?
Will you stop being a pawn and rejoin the game as a queen?
Reflection Time
What would it take to create the communication and conversations necessary to prevent the division of humanity into separate groups?
How can we create conversations with more compassion, creativity, and courage?
How can we expand our perspectives to gain greater understanding?
How can we enhance connection and relationships with those who are different from us?
How can we create opportunities to consciously consider and choose wise actions together?
Share your insights in our chat!
Conclusion
We don’t need to identify who is good (or on our side) and who is bad (or on the other side). Instead, we must lean into uniting around our shared values to discover creative solutions to today’s biggest challenges.
We must connect with each other from a place of empathy and compassion to consider what is best for everyone, all of humanity (you and me). We must work together to take courageous action to bring change to a world that needs better solutions.
I’d like to see the beginning of what I’m coining a “C3” campaign.
Coherent and Conscious Conversations guided by compassion, creativity, and courage.
Bringing together those of different beliefs and backgrounds to enhance connection, expand our perspectives, and ensure we have an opportunity to take conscious action together.
Would you consider joining this effort?
What would it take to bring you to the table?
Free Resource
To support you in these efforts, we've created a C3 campaign guide for how to get started having these coherent and conscious conversations that are guided by compassion, creativity, and courage.
You can get this guide by subscribing on our website Evolving to Exceptional and looking in our Free Resources Library under “Guides.”
We believe, and I truly believe, that if we can come together rather than separate, we have a much better chance of solving the biggest challenges and problems in the world today.
And if we do not, the consequences are likely to be far more severe. My hope is that our shared love for humanity, for humans, and the future of humanity can bring us together to be more creative, to be more compassionate, and to be more courageous in all of the solutions and ideas that we can come up with together.
I appreciate you taking the time to listen to and consider these concepts and insights. As always, I hope you keep evolving, keep growing, keep rewiring your neural pathways so you can live your very best life. An exceptional life.