Navigating Life with Visible Values
What stands between desires and destructive actions? Our values! Are yours being reflected by your actions (or inaction)?
Humans are capable of acting in ways that are incredibly violent, vicious, and vindictive. We have a long history of allowing ourselves to behave badly only to look with regret on our actions in the rearview mirror.
In today’s world, it’s more important than ever to ensure we are extremely clear on our values.
Why is this topic important to me?
I have been continuing to try to speak and write from a place of wisdom and intellectual curiosity. To pose ideas and offer insights for others to consider. Ideas that might make the reader think differently, even if they ultimately disagree with me.
Typically, this is best done by staying centrist and not pursuing politically polarizing points of view. However, in a few short days, I have seen so many alarming and disconcerting things I fear remaining silent only serves to perpetuate the problem.
Furthermore, my values demand that I write, act, and live in a way that aligns with them. Which means I must continue to write, in spite of the potential risks it may bring.
Those who know me know I am:
Guided by a desire to always be expanding and improving myself and my beliefs.
Committed to living in accordance with my values and a desire to do good in the world.
Determined to remain authentic, respectful, and conscious no matter the chaos.
Ready and willing to enthusiastically engage in meaningful dialogue and discussion.
In fact, I welcome discussion and debate on any topic. I have found in my experience when we respectfully debate a topic, we often discover new solutions and gain greater perspective. When we debate correctly, it’s not an argument with accusations, blame, and shame. Instead, it’s a conscious, respectful and intellectual discussion.
As a result, regardless of your beliefs I hope you will stick with me here and hear me out on why it’s essential we confirm, clarify, and make our values more visible - no matter what your political party.
You probably already know what “alarming and disconcerting things” I am referring to and I can’t possibly list everything of concern here (although I’ll likely write on them at some point). But if you are unaware, I feel an obligation to at least mention a few examples of what has alarmed me:
Violent criminals being pardoned, released, and cleared entirely such that they can purchase weapons (and publicly stating they plan to do so immediately!).
Eliminating all DEI positions, practices, and anti-discrimination policies from the federal government that have been in place since 1965.
Viciously attacking and slandering clergy who prayed for mercy for people.
Google eliminates Biden from history of U.S. presidents (now corrected).
Instagram technical glitch causes term “Democrat” to be unreachable.
Flagging “free Palestine” posts on social media (TikTok) as hate speech.
Eliminating birthright citizenship.
Not to mention the most bizarre…renaming the Gulf of Mexico.
What are values?
Values are deeply held beliefs or principles that guide a person’s or organization’s behavior, decisions, and interactions. They serve as a moral compass, influencing what individuals or groups consider important, right, or worthwhile.
Values are not the same as desires. This distinction is important.
Desires are what we want or feel pulled towards.
Desires are the innate or cultivated longings, wants, or aspirations that drive human behavior and decision-making.
Everyone has desires that are good or healthy and bad or unhealthy. But just because we experience desire doesn’t mean we have to move toward it.
We need our values to deter our destructive desires.
Values serve as the guide rails to prevent us from acting on desires that we intellectually or intuitively know are harmful or unhealthy.
Without values, we would constantly be driven by our desires. Our values help to guide our decisions to ensure we are driven by wisdom rather than want.
Just because we want something doesn’t mean it’s the right thing for us or even good for us. I might desire to eat dessert every day or for every meal, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for me to do so.
How do desires and values form?
Our values and desires get shaped unconsciously by our experiences and environments.
As we live our lives, our parents, religions, and communities all influence them. Every interaction and life experience helps shape what we want or pursue, and whether we act upon that desire. As a result, we develop response patterns that get programmed and run unconsciously.
For example:
We might develop a desire for high achievement.
As children, we might have been regularly praised for achieving good grades or winning awards.
These experiences felt good causing us to associate achievement with feeling good.
Without values, our need for achievement might cause us to cheat, lie, or deceive in order to achieve.
Our values guide how far we are willing to go towards our desire for achievement.
Our values determine where we will draw our line and decide achievement isn’t worth it.
Let’s look at another example:
As children, maybe we had very little money and struggled significantly to survive.
The pain and struggle we endured caused us to associate lack of money with suffering.
We may then develop a desire for money or financial success.
Without values, our desire for money might lead us to financial fraud, stealing, or prioritize money over all of our relationships.
Our values guide how far we will go towards our desire for money.
Our values determine where we draw the line and decide a particular action is unwise.
But we are not solely controlled by our desires, we get to consciously consider and choose our values. As we grow up, learn, and become more self-aware, we can become more intentional about our values.
We can consciously consider and choose the values that are most important to us and that we will use to guide our actions and decisions.
Of course, it’s also possible for people to consciously choose values that will harm themselves or others.
An individual might decide they value money over abiding by the laws or harming other humans.
A person might choose achievement over appropriately caring for and nurturing their relationships with their spouse or children.
A person might even choose (and often do) their own ego and how they want to be perceived over the impact of their actions on others.
Likewise, we might also choose values that guide our decisions in a way that creates positive outcomes for people. Values that support our true well-being needs and support our lives as conscious and wise human beings rather than egotistical and selfish humans.
Why is this important?
Values are the guiderails that prevent desires from deciding our actions despite their potential for destruction or harm.
Without values, we will make decisions and choices that will inevitably cause harm to ourselves or others. Furthermore, if we fail to take the time to identify and articulate our values, then it is difficult to live by them.
Ignorance is usually a contributor to the failure to act in the face of evil, immoral, or illegal actions. A lack of conscious awareness and selection of our values can lead us to make unwise choices we will likely one day regret.
A troubling history (and present)
Many have pondered the decisions of those who either took part in or did nothing to prevent the loss of life during the Holocaust in Germany. I wonder what their values were and if they considered them in the decision to act or not.
What might have been different if more humans had been aware of and consciously considered the consequences beyond their own immediate survival?
The failure to identify, articulate, and abide by one’s values may be a significant contributing factor to inaction in the face of evil.
Without our values, our human default position is survival and self-preservation. If taking action against or speaking out against puts myself or those I love at risk, my natural reaction is to stay silent and hidden.
Look at those who did act and the courageousness it took to do so. They had to prioritize their value for human life and human rights over the potential they might be persecuted, prosecuted, or even eliminated.
To act in the face of fear requires a strong moral compass to guide us and provide us with the courage to do so.
Update: After writing the above, I shared my article with my business partner, and she courageously questioned and challenged me to take this further than I did above. She was right to do so. My perspective is limited by my own experiences, and her experience as a Bosnian refugee to this country brings a highly valuable and relevant perspective to this topic.
She brought to my attention the prevalence of pointing out the Holocaust as an example, whilst not using other examples of equally horrendous behavior towards those of different ethnicities including the past and present-day actions in Palestine, Israel and Gaza. Not to mention Bosnia, Rwanda, Sierra Leone, Cambodia, Darfur, and many others around the world.
Whilst some of these examples are in the more distant past, there are atrocities just as severe still happening today whether we choose to be aware of and acknowledge them or not.
Humans are capable of acting in ways that are incredibly violent, vicious, and vindictive. We have a long history of allowing ourselves to behave badly only to look with regret on our actions in the rearview mirror.
How does this relate to the present?
The actions and behaviors of those who lack the values necessary to make wise decisions create chaos, corruption, confusion, and have serious consequences for all of humanity.
What exactly constitutes a wise decision for humanity?
Wise – the possession and application of deep understanding, good judgement, and insight.
Key Aspects of being wise: Sound Judgement, Empathy & Understanding, Experience-Based Insight, Balance, Humility, Ethical Perspective
Wise Decisions for Humanity: Choices or actions that prioritize the long-term wellbeing, flourishing, and sustainability of humanity as a whole.
Wise decisions and actions are the result of the combination of compassionate, creative, and courageous human intelligence. When we act only through the lens of what is the most compassionate, creative, and courageous action I can take – we make wiser decisions.
As I mentioned before, we are currently faced with a vast number of issues and challenges that require a degree of intelligence far beyond what most today utilize on a daily basis. Please note that I am saying most humans possess tremendous intelligence capacity but fail to utilize it consistently or effectively.
It’s easier to rely on others, rather than researching and understanding a topic thoroughly to make my own wise choice.
We’re so accustomed to and reliant on readily having access to accurate information we fail to recognize how if it becomes censored or controlled, we become less equipped to deal with complex topics.
We’ve not learned how to make wise decisions based upon our full intelligences. We learn a lot about how to think but very little about the rest of the human body and its brains. As a result, many make decisions without taking into consideration their heart intelligence or values and the impact of their actions.
Why do you need to identify and make your values visible?
As we navigate this world, we must be prepared to measure our choices against the guiderails of our values. We must utilize them to ensure we don’t lose our way on this stretch of our journey through life.
If we don’t clearly name our values, it’s far easier to ignore them when they are being breached.
Rather than bury our heads in the sand and hope the storm passes, I urge everyone to take a little time to identify, clarify and articulate your values. What is most important to you? Not what do you want, but what do you truly value?
But just identifying your values does not go far enough. Many will speak about their values whilst their actions and behaviors are in contradiction to them. As a granddaughter of a pastor, I’m particularly sensitive to those who spout scripture whilst their actions are in conflict with the teachings.
We must pay close attention to our behaviors and actions, challenging ourselves to ensure they are aligned with the values we’ve identified. I can say I value my health – but if I am constantly stressed, never workout, and eat badly then my actions prove otherwise.
Reflection & Action
Our values are associated with our heart brain and the neural network found in our heart intelligence. Our heart is what will guide us towards what is truly important and what we truly value.
Take a moment and balance your nervous system with a couple minutes of balanced breathing (even breaths in and out).
Now place your hand on your heart, close your eyes, and ask yourself, “What do I truly value?” and “What is truly important to me?”
Notice what comes up. When the heart communicates, it does so with feelings, sensations, simple words, visuals, smells, sounds, the speed of your heartbeats, or sensations in your chest. Pay attention to what it shows you and shares with you.
Write it down in as much detail as you can. If you have a sense of what it means, capture that as well.
Then, compare this message against a list of values and see which jumps out at you the most. Which resonates or connects most with the message of your heart. These are your true heartfelt values.
With this guidance, create a summary of your values and make them visible. Put them where you can see them as you make decisions about what to think, feel, or do in your life.
Then as you make decisions or take actions, as you react or respond to the current climate, and as you interact with others check your actions and behaviors against your values.
Always asking yourself - is this the most compassionate, creative, and courageous next step I can take?
In the absence of values…
Have you ever considered what the difference is between the six individuals running the biggest tech companies in the world that attended this week’s inauguration and other leaders?
Claiming that wealth is proportional to intelligence, capabilities, capacity or competence is beyond faulty. Financial success is but one indicator of intellect and success. A person can be the wealthiest in the world and bankrupt in their relationships with others.
These wealthiest of men have made clear their values through their actions. There are many others in the world that might have had the same or similar success but were unwilling to do so because of their values. We must be careful not to correlate financial success with wisdom and intellect.
Conclusion
In today’s polarized world, understanding and living by our values has never been more crucial. Values serve as the compass that guides us through the complexities of life, ensuring our actions align with what truly matters. They provide the guardrails that prevent destructive desires from driving us toward harm, both to ourselves and others.
As individuals, it is essential that we not only identify and articulate our values but also live by them consistently. This requires introspection, intentionality, and courage. By grounding ourselves in our heart's intelligence and prioritizing compassionate, creative, and courageous actions, we can navigate challenges with wisdom and integrity.
Without a clear understanding of our values, we risk losing our way, acting unconsciously, or being swayed by external influences. History and current events alike remind us of the consequences when values are ignored or compromised. However, by remaining steadfast in our commitment to what we value most, we can make wiser decisions that contribute to a more just, compassionate, and sustainable world.
The path forward requires not only reflection but also action. Take the time to connect with your heart, clarify your values, and make them visible in your daily life. Let them be the foundation for every choice you make and every action you take. In doing so, you not only transform your own life but also inspire others to do the same. Together, guided by our values, we can create meaningful change in a world that so desperately needs it.