Impossibility of People Pleasing in a Polarized World
Why nothing will please everyone...and it's a really good thing!
You know what I realized today? No matter what we say right now, it’s probably going to be considered controversial by a particular portion of the population.
If you are a supporter of one party, the other party will condemn you.
If you come out with ideas or opinions on why the election outcome occurred, some groups will disagree—or worse, vilify you.
If you try to bring unity or find a path forward together, parts of both parties will likely view your approach as cowardly or inadequate.
I could go on and on.
I’ll admit, I’ve been a people-pleaser for much of my life. Like all people-pleasers, I like to find ways to appease everyone and avoid offending anyone.
Which is undoubtedly an outright impossibility right now!
At first, I felt frustrated because I try to bring balance and wisdom to issues that, while open to disagreement, are usually understandable or thought-provoking. However, after spending significant time reflecting, I realized this is actually a really good thing.
I know this statement is creating a visceral reaction for many people.
Please stick with me; I think you might appreciate what I’m about to share (no matter your opinion or perspective).
Our inability to please everyone in this polarized climate can actually be the catalyst for what is most needed right now.
While I believe moderation is critical to the successful evolution of humanity, growth is not possible without pain.
Quite literally, the way we grow as humans is to create new neural connections between neurons in our body. Creating these connections requires energy, intention, and repetition.
Changing these pathways, well, that requires us to eliminate one pathway in lieu of something new. And our bodies usually interpret that as pain. (Check this article out if you want to learn why)
We don’t learn nearly as much when things go right as they do when things go wrong. Pain triggers our survival response, and after we survive the situation, the body starts actively exploring how to protect us from that pain moving forward by creating new neural pathways.
Pain brings change. And can’t we all agree we need change (even though we most definitely disagree on what the changes should be)?
The escalation of extremist positions has led to the escalation and expansion of polarizing points of view causing a critical clash of perspectives. This clash of perspectives is the very pain we need to create the change required for human evolution.
What do I mean?
People have become more vocal and visible about their more extreme opinions on the systems within which we live. At the same time, we’ve experienced the expansion of technology, internet access, and usage of social media as a source of information.
As result, people not only have access to more information, but also the opportunity to provide their perspective and opinion on it. With more information and access to it, it becomes impossible to intelligently become knowledgeable on everything.
History of Information & Knowledge
Let’s look at how information is created.
Information is facts and data that are organized and communicated.
Knowledge is the ability to interpret, understand, and apply information effectively.
But all information is ultimately created and documented by a human being. Even AI is trained on the vast history of documented information.
All information is created through the lens of a person or group of persons perspectives and experiences.
Before we had such easy access, specific people became educated in particular fields and learned the necessary information to develop the knowledge required and expertise to be of service to others.
Doctors learned about human health so they could diagnose and treat people.
Lawyers learned the law so they could try cases and implant the law.
Accountants learned tax laws and mathematics so they could keep track of financials. And so on.
We had to rely on their expertise. We didn’t have time or access to read the law books, medical journals—and God knows—no one else wanted to study the tax code!
Those with expertise, authority, and opportunity were the ones who captured and documented information. History is always told from the perspective of the winners, not the losers.
And no matter who is writing it, they are all human.1
Humans are imperfect.
We don’t process the world in ways that create exact copies of information.
We document information using and filtered through our unique neural pathways.
Our brains can only process 60 bits per second, yet we are exposed to around 11 million bits per second—meaning we filter out a ton of stuff.
We’re imperfect. And, to make matters worse, some of us have bad intentions.
Then, as information became more readily available and accessible, suddenly we had the opportunity to find the answer ourselves. We began to use resources like WebMD, LegalZoom, and TurboTax to find answers without the experts.
Why rely on an expensive expert when you can find the answer easily yourself?
Despite the many issues experts tried to bring attention to, this self-reliance continued to expand and was aided by more and more information sources.
None more powerful than social media. With the entrance of social media, people could access the opinions and perspectives of far more people than ever before.
Instead of seeking opinions and perspectives from family, friends, neighbors, and church members—whose views were often insulated from those of different backgrounds and communities—we gained access to people from all over the world.
Today, we have more social media platforms than I can begin to count with billions of users. With the expanded ability to share, everyone from famous actors to everyday moms has the potential to become an influencer of people.
Being an influencer and content creator is now considered a full-time job with its own industry. Quite literally anyone with a computer and a connection can begin sharing virtually anything they want with the world.
With the entrance of any new segment there are always bad actors looking at how to take advantage of it. Those who seek to create chaos and confusion for their own entertainment. Or worse those who I’ll use it to purposely create outcomes that benefit them financially or otherwise.
Which is what has led us to our present state filled with discussions of freedom of speech, misinformation, and disinformation.
What does this little history lesson mean to today’s world?
It means that as humans we are inundated with conflicting information on darn near everything.
Knowing who to trust and when has become incredibly subjective.
As a result, humans default to their past patterns or the ways their neural networks originally were created.
The Silver Lining (if we choose to embrace it)
With the increasingly conflicting perspectives, we are getting an incredible opportunity to expand our human intelligence.
As humans we are only capable of viewing the world through the lens of our own neural networks. We quite literally are incapable of seeing the world in anyway other than the way our body has wired itself, our ways of being: thinking, feeling, and behaving.
While we are all different, those that have grown up with similar experiences and environments are going to have more similar perspectives. Which is why we see these splits in reality occurring.
It’s why we feel confused and struggle to understand how someone else thinks, feels, and behaves the way they do.
Our challenge as humans, should we choose to accept it, is to use this to guide us rather than allow it to divide us.
To use this clash of conflicting points of view to force us to learn about those who are different from us. And not just learn by arguing, but by integrating all our intelligences.
Which means we have to shift out of a dysregulated state of arguing, anger, sadness, frustration, disassociating, and so on into a coherent state of being consciously, curious, creative, compassionate, and courageous.
If this seems hard to understand, instead of rejecting it, consider whether you have an opportunity to expand your human capacity.
Whether you might reframe and reconsider how you experience the world by discovering the experiences of others.
Whether you might unlock greater wisdom within that you never knew existed or how to access it.
Whether what’s keeping us in conflict might also be the very thing that will allow us to evolve beyond it!
For Your Reflection:
Share your thoughts and insights in the comments!
How can you expand your perspective by increasing who you are exposed to?
How is your lens limiting your current perspective or view of the world?
What wisdom might you find in expanding your perspective of the world?
How might exposure to conflicting perspectives from a regulated coherent state improve our lives and world?
(Ok, maybe some people believe aliens were here and wrote things at some point but nearly everything that exists has been done by human beings!)